Motherhood by Numbers

Preparing for Your Second Child with Kayla Steinly

By Sarah Gould-Stotts

Mother-To-Be: Kayla Steinly
Profession: Pharmacist
Age: 32

Kayla is a people person. Not the kind who has to be surrounded by other people all the time or derives her energy from being in a big crowd but the kind of “people person” who gives her whole self to caring for others. Despite being quiet and a little shy by nature, Kayla makes her living taking care of people as a pharmacist and crafts her life’s focus around loving and caring for her family, including her husband, Andrew, and son, Rhett, and her parents, the people she describes as “her reason for being.” Kayla loves big and hard and gives all that she can to her family. Since having her first baby, Kayla’s conviction is to be remembered as a momma who happened to be a pharmacist, rather than a pharmacist who happened to have kids. This conviction has only grown stronger as she prepares for the arrival of her second child this summer. 

Kayla’s nature is to be a perfectionist and she describes herself as a “type AAA” person who can be high strung when it comes to managing her career and family. She has long combated anxiety which has become more of a struggle since losing her little brother, Jay, in 2015. Having endured the profound pain of losing her sibling, Kayla is more aware than most that not a single day can be taken for granted and that loving and caring for her family is and always will be the most important thing she does.

The birth of Kayla’s first child came during a pretty normal time – no global pandemic prevented her from having a baby shower, from being surrounded by loved ones at the hospital, or sharing the joys of her newborn with her friends and relatives. When she became pregnant with her second child, she had no idea what the reality would be when she would welcome her baby girl into the world. Preparing for a second child already comes with its own set of considerations, stresses, to-do’s, and joys but compound that with a global pandemic and navigating the start of this new chapter looks and feels a lot different than Kayla ever imagined. We sat down with Kayla to learn from her experience of deciding to grow her family of 3 to a family of 4, and how that has been impacted by the coronavirus pandemic.

First question, as a mother of one, what do you love most about motherhood?

I guess I’ll go with the obvious answer – my baby. Something definitely changes in you when you see your baby for the first time and it feels like your heart might explode because you love them so much. I remember holding Rhett when he was maybe 2 weeks old and just looking at him and crying literally because I loved him so much and I didn’t know how to handle that kind of love (Thanks, postpartum hormones“). Hearing “I love you more, momma” melts my heart. Rhett and I have a “fight” every night about who loves who more. “No, you! No, you!”

What most excites you about growing your family?

Seeing our baby and watching her grow and develop into her own little person. I love seeing the things Rhett enjoys, is good at, etc and can’t wait to see the person that our daughter will become. I am also excited to see the relationship between big brother and little sister. I pray daily that they are close like Jay and I were. 

What about motherhood challenges you the most?

My own anxiety is probably the most challenging part about motherhood to me. After losing my brother in January of 2015, we got pregnant for the first time in August of that same year. Unfortunately, we lost that first pregnancy in October 2015 at around 7 weeks. I felt like I was “doomed” to have bad things happen to me and I felt like I would never see good things happen again in my life. It was like something changed in my mind at that point. It took us another year to get pregnant again which was yet another test of faith. I worried that I would never get that chance again. Looking back, Rhett came along at the most perfect time and it all fell into God’s plan perfectly. It was just very hard to endure the time we spent grieving and waiting. 

What prompted you to decide to have another baby? Was having another child something you always planned to do or something you decided after you had your first child?

My husband and I have always wanted 3 kids. We talked about that before we were ever married. I specifically remember one Saturday in college and we went on a walk for a date. We went to college in a very small town so it was either that or yet another Walmart date. We walked for probably 3 hours and just dreamed for the first time out loud with each other of what we wanted for our future together. He is one of 3 and I am one of 2 children. Growing up, my brother and I were always close and as young adults, he was one of my best friends. I am blessed to say I genuinely “liked” my brother as a person, not just loved him because he was my brother and I had to. After we lost Jay, I felt the extreme weight of being alone as the only surviving child of my parents. It’s extremely lonely and I never wanted my children to be alone like how I now felt. I wanted them to have another person, a partner in crime, to do life with. After having Rhett, that desire for him to have a sibling only got stronger. I worried it would be difficult to get pregnant again, but God had other plans and our second pregnancy came along without any trouble. 

As a perfectionist, Kayla has put a lot of thought and intention into preparing for this new chapter and despite the challenges this current reality has thrown at her, she is staying focused on what matters most to her: family. When I asked Kayla what advice she has for other women who are pregnant right now, she said:

Find support! Talk to other mommas! Just as you need to be heard, loved, and supported, so do they! Help each other!

Kayla, like many of us, is learning to accept that there is little we can control outside of ourselves. We can control how we approach things and what we prioritize, but we can’t always plan the options we’re given. When it comes to motherhood— planning for certain outcomes is basically impossible. All you can plan for is how you adapt to those outcomes, whatever they may be.

We’ll check back with Kayla in the coming months, after her delivery, to see how her thought processes and feelings have changed and how she is doing as a mom of two. Make sure to follow Liveli Planner on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn to keep up with her story.

What questions or advice do you have for Kayla? Share in the comments section below.