Hear ye, hear ye, it is the time of year that fills hearts with fear and wonder. A time of mild seasonal change. A time when artificial pumpkin flavors fill the air and our stomachs. A time when wimps everywhere use horror movies as an excuse to snuggle up to their crush. It’s fall, y’all.
So whether you are enjoying the heck out of this season, or pretending you don’t enjoy seeing pumpkins literally everywhere, here are a few ways to wring the most joy possible out of Autumn (aka get as basic as possible).
Pay $5 for a PSL
If you don’t know what PSL stands for, stop reading and rethink your life.
Important thing to note: Starbucks has started doing this fun thing where they only list grande prices on their menu. A woman who shall remain unnamed (ME) recently tried to outsmart them and ordered a tall PSL instead, thinking it would be cheaper. Fool. It was $5.05 instead of $5.15. Moral of the story: you are not smarter than Starbucks. Make peace with losing all of your dollars to their sugary caffeinated goodness.
Overspend at Target
While we’re buying things we don’t need, let’s head over to Target. Why? IDK blame Chip and Joanna.
A brief (though incomplete) list of necessary purchases:
- Pumpkin scented candle
- As many fake white pumpkins as you can carry
- Burlap
- Throw pillows with seasonal greetings such as “It’s fall y’all!”
- Mascara because why not?
Actual pro tip: if you can muster the self control, put off your binge shopping trip until November 1. The fall goods will be steeply discounted and you can stock up for next year at half the price. Also: cheap candy. Enough said.
Wear men’s flannel
It’s a scientific fact that men’s flannels are more comfortable than women’s flannels. They are also roomier and warmer. Sure, the buttons are backwards and they have weird pockets, but that’s a small price to pay for the foundation of your Autumn wardrobe. It keeps you warm, makes you look vaguely sporty and approachable, and pairs great with leggings.
Personally, I love a trip to a vintage or thrift store to stock up on flannels.
But please, don’t, under any circumstances, say “sweater weather.” Be better than that.
Take the required Instagram Pictures
If you don’t have at least three of the four photos below on your Instagram are you even trying?
- Force your child/partner/self to take an awkward picture hugging a pumpkin, preferably while sitting on a hay bale.
- Throwing leaves in the air.
- Picture of leaves. Preferably with your boots involved somehow.
- Sprinkle in some hashtags like #grateful, #fallfoliage and #falltivity
Pretend to care about football
If watching men run into each other repeatedly for one million hours is not your thing, don’t fret. We’re not here for the game, we’re here for the tailgating atmosphere. Team colored flannel (see above), chips and dip, an excuse to drink beer on Sunday afternoons and feel some college spirit. Don’t think about it too much, just throw a fantasy league team together and start grilling.
Throw a pumpkin painting party
In my humble opinion, a pumpkin party is an essential tradition for any self-respecting Basic Girl. Send your girls a cute Paperless Post invite instructing them to BYOP (bring your own pumpkin, obvs) and their favorite fall film for a casual night of arts and crafts.
Some necessary fall viewing:
- Hocus Pocus
- Beetlejuice
- You’ve Got Mail
- Every single Gilmore Girls episode Jess appears in (Does anyone else do an annual Jess-a-thon? Just me? Cool.)
And there you have it. Six easy steps, approximately a million dollars and the loss of all your Instagram followers, and you can be a certified Basic Fall Girl.
Did we miss anything? This is a deeply reported and entirely serious article, so please let us know if we’ve overlooked an essential fall-tivity in the comments. We’ll be #grateful.
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